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Quote Browsing Therapy - Day 1

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So this last couple of weeks have been kind of hard because I feel like an island. Like nobody really has any idea what I’m feeling or going through. Occasionally there will be this awesome thing that happens like a friend that says just the right thing it just the right moment. Or stumbling across the blog of a remarkable woman who’s been through it and she totally gets it. And those moments mean a lot.

But the rest of the time I feel lost and unheard. Spinning and spinning inside my own head.

I found that googling quotes about life have helped. When I just need to feel heard I can hop online and scroll through hundreds and hundreds of quotes. And somehow knowing that some person somewhere wrote that quote when they were feeling just like I am...help.

So here’s to my newly coined “quote browsing therapy”.

And here’s some of this weeks gems:


















Flashbacks

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Tonight I went to visit my niece for her birthday. She just also happens to live in the same complex as my ex-boyfriend used live. Pulling into the complex I found myself suddenly thrust into a flashback. Me and six-year-old Sawyer carrying out the trash...

Sawyer: “It’s scary out here. I don’t like being outside in the dark. I think it’s kinda freaky.”

Me: “Can you see the temple down there? It’s all lit up?”

Sawyer: “Yeah”

Me: “As long as you can see the temple you don’t ever have to be afraid.”

Sawyer: “Really?”

Me: “Yup. Just keep your eyes on the temple.”

Sawyer: (Grinning from ear to ear) “That’s cool.”

And just like that was gone. In its place a deep sadness. For a whole year I had a family, I had a purpose, I even had kids, and I thought about them all the time. Now they’re just great memories. I still think about them...a lot.


I remember when I first started dating a guy w four kids I thought - "What am I doing?!?" I thought for sure I wasn't meant for that job.…

Fillers for every boring moment in life.

A fellow therapist and wonderful mentor that I work with told me once, don't ever ask your clients to do anything you haven't already done yourself. Phew! That's a mantra. But I like it. So I'm trying to live it.

Well lately I've been asking several of my teenage clients to "Avoid pulling out your cell phone when you're bored. Do something....anything....else instead." In light of my previously mentioned mantra...I've been doing this myself. It's been quite fascinating. One...to realize how much I used to pull out my phone. In line in Kohl's to return holiday gifts...waiting at that one SUPER long light on your commute...at a party when everyone else is finishing up a game you got out of early...rainy day...no plans...you name it. Phones have become our fillers. Fillers for every boring moment in life.

As I have stopped turning to my phone when I'm bored something interesting has happened. I've read...a LOT. Finished 2 books alread…

Imitation is the Greatest form of Emulation

You know when you start spending a lot of time with a person? Maybe a new friend or a new boyfriend/girlfriend and you start to take on some of their mannerisms and start to talk or laugh the same? It just sort of happens when you spend inordinate amounts of time with a person listening to and talking with them. You start to use words they use and say things they say in the way they would say them. I wonder...does the same thing happen when we spend enough time talking to God? Perhaps this is one reason he asks us to "Pray Always". Perhaps in talking with Him, spending more time with Him, we will find it's just as it is with our friends -- all too soon we will begin to emulate Him and to become more like Him, almost without noticing.

The Carpenter's Son

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A few days ago I busted out my Christmas decorations. I love Christmas! And I LOVE decorating for Christmas, probably because when I was a kid my mom used to transform our house one day when we were at school. She would remove ALL of our normal decor and replace it with Christmas pictures, lights and decorations top to bottom. We'd come bursting in the front door and it was like magic - the whole house was different and completely Christmasy! She did everything but the tree, the tree we got to do together. 

Well this year I got out a Nativity set that I purchased last year, it's a small wood carved set and inside the box was a book called "The First Nativity" by Ron Brough and Kathy Gordon. 




It's a cute story, if you haven't read it I highly recommend it! The thing I loved most about it is that it made me think of the Savior as a little child. His father was a carpenter by trade and chances are he would have taught Joseph his trade as he grew up. Something abou…

The Work Moves On...

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Tonight I was sitting in a carport in front of a house with a friend in my ward who is from Chile. She and I are ward missionaries. We were huddled with our heads together over her cell phone listening to it ring. We had just dialed the number of a guy we had never met who's records had just come into our ward. His voice came on the line asking us to leave a message. I don't speak Spanish so I had no clue what he had said and I was just staring at my friend  who was looking at me just waiting for me to talk - suddenly we burst out laughing - and I finally left a garbled message asking him to call us back. 

I couldn't help but marvel as we got out and headed up the stairs to the next door, how so much like a full-time missionary I felt right then. And here I thought when I left my mission I wouldn't get the chance to preach the gospel side by side with amazing international sisters like those I had grow to dearly love and cherish on my mission. Yet here we were, doing it…

You Know Where I'll Be

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Today I was rummaging through some old boxes looking for a white handkerchief I own and I stumbled on one of my journals. Opening the front cover I found that it started in March of 2004. 2004 was a very difficult year for me so I decided to pull it out and read some of the entries. My fingers seemed to thumb through the pages automatically search for November 4th. The closest entry was November 5th. I read what I wrote about the previous day...the day I found out that my brother had passed away. Feelings flooded back into my heart. Seems like yesterday, yet it's almost been 10 years. As I thumbed through the weeks and months following that eventful day 
I was reminded of all of the many many people who lifted me during that time. 

Sometimes in life we find ourselves struggling to carry the burden that is ours at the moment. Our knees feel like they might buckle beneath us and we feel as if we can't even stand it any longer. In those moments it is the faith and the encouragement…